Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
