The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
