i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
