$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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