My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
