I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
