I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
