so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
