i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
