If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
