How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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