WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
