Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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