One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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