You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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