Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
