i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
