my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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