I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
