dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
