It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
