I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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