C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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