After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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