Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Never underestimate the power of titties
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
