I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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