clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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