After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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