im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
