Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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