guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to make out with him forever
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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