FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
