HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
