im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
