i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
