some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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