She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
