You smell like a Billy Joel song
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
