The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
