i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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