i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
