They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How's work?
Spinning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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