Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
