First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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