Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
