I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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