I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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