Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bring me that man meat
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
