don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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