Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
