Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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