No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
