what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
