she woke up with a sticky ear
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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