i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
